Have you ever been in a relationship where, in the beginning, everything felt effortless—like someone finally saw you, valued you, pursued you? And then, as time passed, the balance started to shift. They pulled back, and instead of walking away, you found yourself trying harder, giving more, proving your worth?
If this resonates, you weren’t in a relationship—you were in a transaction disguised as love.
The Illusion of Love: When You Fall for Potential, Not Reality
You were in a relationship with a man who was superficial from the start, but he hid it well at first. But did he really hid it that well?! He did give. more in the beginning as a way to reel you in, but once he felt he had you, he started withdrawing. That shift wasn’t accidental — it was a power move.
Then when you recognized the imbalance between you, you did something most people struggle to do — you walked away. That tells me that you have self-respect and the ability to see through the illusion, even when emotions are involved. In the end, you realized he never really cared. He used you for the light you brought, but when it came to the more complex parts of you — the part that makes you real (the part of him he hides and even denies), — let’s face it, he wasn’t equipped to handle them. That’s because he was never truly looking for depth, that was the illusion he wanted you to believe because you’re deep – he thought that would make him more interesting, but he can’t go deep — only superficial.
Most toxic relationships don’t start that way. They start with a performance. The other person gives just enough in the beginning to make you believe they care. They offer validation, attention, even what feels like devotion. But over time, something shifts.
Why did you attract someone like this?
- Because you. have depth, and they lacked it. They wanted to feed off your emotional energy but had nothing to offer in return
- Because you value real connection, and they wanted validation for their ego, you were looking for something genuine, they were looking for admiration
- Because you are a giver, and they are takers. You naturally invest in people, and takers recognize that energy like sharks smelling blood in the water
They start withdrawing, little by little. You feel it. The lack of effort, the unreturned gestures, the missing appreciation. And instead of recognizing it for what it is—disinterest or emotional unavailability—you assume it’s a test. You believe if you just give more, love harder, prove yourself, they’ll return to the person they were at the beginning.
But that person was never real.
The Power Shift: Why You Start Giving More as They Give Less
When someone pulls away, you have two choices:
- Accept that they are no longer invested and walk away.
- Try to compensate by giving more, hoping they will see your effort and come back.
If you choose the second, you’ve fallen into the transaction trap. You start bargaining with love—thinking if you can just provide more value, they will stay.
But the truth is, their withdrawal wasn’t accidental. For many people, it’s a power move. They know the moment they pull back, you will chase. And as long as you’re chasing, they never have to meet you halfway.
The Wake-Up Call: When You Realize You’re the Only One Fighting
Eventually, reality sets in: you are the only one trying. The only one making an effort. The only one keeping the relationship alive.
And that realization is devastating because the hard truth:
- This wasn’t love. It was a transaction in disguise — one where you were unknowingly giving more than you were receiving. But the fact that you walked away means you saw the game for what it was. You don’t beg either because you know you’re value, but that doesn’t erase the painful realization that they were never real with you. It was all a lie.
- The question now is: how do you ensure you don’t repeat this cycle?
The Hardest Truth: They Saw Your Worth—They Just Couldn’t Match It
One of the biggest lies we tell ourselves after a failed relationship is:
“If they really saw my value, they wouldn’t have let me go.”
But here’s the truth: they did see it. They just didn’t have the emotional capacity to match it. Some people are not built for deep connection. They crave attention, validation, admiration—but they don’t want the responsibility of real intimacy (not to be confused with sex and lust).
It was never about you not being enough.
It was about them never being capable.
Breaking the Cycle: Choosing a Different Kind of Love
If you want a different outcome, you have to change what you accept:
- – Stop chasing people who make you feel like you need to prove your worth. Real love doesn’t require convincing.
- – Pay attention to reciprocity. If you’re giving more than you’re receiving, that’s a red flag—don’t ignore it.
- – Believe that love should feel mutual. Not like a performance, not like a transaction, but like an equal exchange of care and effort.
At the end of the day, the right person won’t need you to show them your value. They’ll see it. They’ll honor it. And most importantly—they’ll match it.
And that’s the kind of love you actually deserve.
