“It’s not unloving to protect yourself. It’s survival.”
Acknowledging and saying what others are terrified of admitting to themselves and saying out loud
We’re told that love can fix anything. That if we just give enough, try hard enough, show up enough—people will finally treat us the way we hoped they would.
But that kind of love? It’s a trap if the people on the receiving end are only there to take. Sometimes, the more you give, the more invisible you
become. They benefit(ed) from the dynamic as-is. You provide. You forgive. You endure. And they do nothing to earn that anymore. And yet—some
part of you still believes you might fix this if you just get the words right. You’re not the problem. But you are keeping the problem alive because
deep down you’re afraid that if you really let go, you’ll be left with nothing. That you’ll be empty. That all those years of sacrifice will feel like they
were for nothing.
Here’s the hard truth:
They were for nothing—if you stay in this role. But they become something the moment you decide this ends now. The second you say, “They don’t
get to use me anymore, even if they never love me for it.”You’ve been holding onto the hope that somewhere in there, they’ll change. That if you just
say it the right way, love them hard enough, hold on long enough… they’ll finally get it. That’s the myth you’re still living inside.
That if you stay good, they’ll stop being bad. They won’t. Because they don’t want to. And when you finally say “enough,” they don’t thank you.
They punish you.
⸻
🚧 The Breaking Point
Maybe you were the one who always gave—money, time, care, forgiveness. Maybe you helped someone with many things beyond what parents
“should do” above and beyond. And the moment you asked for transparency or boundaries, you became the villain in your own story.
This is what financial exploitation looks like in families:
• Treating your support like a given, not a gift.
• Expecting access to your money while denying you access to love.
If that’s your situation, know this: That’s not love. That’s abuse in a familiar costume.
⸻
💸 The Reality of Financial Abuse (And Why No One Talks About It)
When family takes advantage of you financially, it’s harder to call it what it is. We say “I was just helping.” We justify it. We tell ourselves that love
looks like sacrifice.
But let’s be real:
• If someone hides their finances but still expects you to pay for theirs, that’s manipulation.
• If someone uses your relationship to squeeze money out of you, that’s financial blackmail.
• If someone cuts you off when the money stops, they never valued you. They valued your resources.
You are not an ATM.
You are not a retirement plan.
You are not a bailout service for people who refuse accountability.
⸻
🔍 What It Really Means to Choose Yourself
1. Boundaries are love with a backbone.
They’re not punishment. They’re proof you’ve decided to stop bleeding for people who don’t even bring bandages.
2. Saying “no” reveals the truth.
The people who leave when the giving stops were never really with you. They were with the version of you that never pushed back.
3. You don’t have to explain your worth.
If you only matter when you’re giving something, you never mattered to them in the first place.
4. Love doesn’t mean debt.
You don’t owe someone continued access just because you helped them in the past.
5. Your peace is not selfish.
Choosing sanity over chaos isn’t giving up. It’s growing up.
⸻
🧠 A Few Things to Remember
• You are allowed to stop overgiving.
• You are allowed to keep your money, your time, your energy—for yourself.
• You are allowed to let people be mad at you.
• You are allowed to build a life where you’re not the resource everyone else drains.
They may call it selfish. It’s actually called freedom.
⸻
🌱 How to Grow From the Grief
Healing from this kind of betrayal isn’t linear. It’s raw, complicated, and it hurts in places you didn’t know could hurt.
Here’s how you start:
• Acknowledge the manipulation. Stop downplaying it.
• Talk about it, even when it feels taboo.
• Set financial and emotional boundaries—and keep them.
• Mourn the relationship for what it actually was, not what you wished it would become.
And then?
Rebuild. Slowly. Intentionally. Without shame.
Reclaim Y-O-U
Repurpose the Pain
Stop looking for love in a battlefield where the only thing anyone’s handing out is landmines.
So stop stepping on them.
Walk. Away.
Even if they never follow.
Even if they call you names.
Let them.
You tried. You bled. You showed up.
Now the only thing left to do is stop bleeding for people who watch you suffer and feel nothing
⸻
